Life gets tough at times. We all know that. Between school, work, church and family there's barely time in the day to even breathe. We all need someone we can depend on. Someone as Ben E. King and Timon and Pumba once stated, who can "stand by me/you". Someone who can help us forget the world, sit back, and relax if only for a moment. But to what extent should these friends serve their purpose? That my devoted audience is the question.
As I prepared to come to school here at BYU Idaho the common response I'd receive from people was either one of two things: Rexburg is...
1) Frozen or
2) NCMO central (Non-commital make out for all you innocent little angels out there : )
Which I must say, I was a little excited about... lol. But contrary to what I'd heard, Rexburg seems like nothing of the sort, or at least the Rexburgians I know. Everyone seems for the most part content with keeping the lip locking/saliva swapping to a minimum unless they are dating that special someone. Now, am I just living on the Pleasantville side of campus or does this sort of thing really go on, and do tell where!! Ha. Jp.
I'd assume that if I were to ask everyone's opinion on said NCMO subject matter I'd get quite the array of responses (Guys for it and girls against it... Unfortunately that just leaves a bunch of guys making out with eachother, haha). Probably more so of a response that such a thing is blasphemous and you'd never be caught dead in such a situation.
But what if the scenario arises with you in it? What if that handsome guy or smokin' girl is being a little extra flirty all of the sudden? Do you have enough gumption to stop them in their tracks, or do you roll with the punches? If you're really good friends with the person wouldn't you maybe want to have more of a romantic relationship with them anyways? Have any of you out there ever found yourself in this situation? What did you do? What's the right thing to do as good upstanding members of the church? How good of friends is too good of friends? Because in the end don't we want to be good friends to our friends afterall? Don't we want to be someone they can depend on during times of need, whatever it may be! Either way let me know... That way I too can have a friend "stand by me." ; )
Recently I've had the opportunity to chat with a few lady friends about their love lives. As we spoke of good times and bad times, break ups and hooks ups, happy times and sad times, one thing stood out to me as an intregal part of dating that I think has somehow lost its ways over the years. Confidence. Guys lack it and girls want it.
Guys, have you ever been talking to a girl, everything is going great, and then had the thought, "Don't get nervous and say anything stupid, stupid"! Then low and behold your heart stops, you swallow hard, and you can't think of anything else to say except, "please excuse me while I sit here and drool over myself..." I do it all the time! It's an awkward skill I've acquired over the years. It ruins a conversation in 2 seconds flat... Ha. Most definitely horrific and amazingly awkward.
Now for those of you who know me, it's common knowledge that I can be a little ostentatious/obnoxious/overbearing. Which I think to some degree girls like, whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone likes to laugh and if I can help you do that it seems to have a tendency to help you open your heart just a little ity bit to see who this guy really is. Now that's great for when I'm with a girl I'm not attracted to or interested in, because I can be myself. But my question is why is it so dang hard to do that around girls you do like? It drives me crazy. If I could just reverse the bloody roles I'd have beautiful women falling all over me! Hypothetically and very unlikely speaking of course. But just think!
On that note, women, how do you girls respond when a guy is talking to you and most obviously is tripping all over himself? Do you realize that it's because he probably likes you and is scared out of his mind as it is just to be near you? Do you appreciate him for his attempt or shiver in disgust after he leaves with your fake number? Ha... Maybe you find it cute? I can't imagine why, weird if you ask me... but let me know. That way the next time I have to untie my tongue while I'm talking to you you'll better understand why I sound so retarded and I'll know a little better the cruel things going through your head when I do. Thank you.
Yes, a few months have gone by and here I find myself once again. Still confused and still seeking greater knowledge into the obscure world of the female mind. I've thought long and hard as to what should be the subject matter of the post for my great and triumphant return to the cyber-world dating scene. After much deliberation I've concluded that nothing would be more fitting than to what's on everyone's mind right now at the beginning of every semester. What hot new guy or girl can I possibly date this semester, and will he/she finally be the one??? And if that's not on your mind right now... Well I suppose you just don't bleed true Byu-Idaho blood then.
Tis' the season for hooking up and pairing off, and by season I mean the first two weeks of school. If you haven't found a mate by this time two days ago, give up, you've lost all hope! Your crush is already dating somebody else. Ha... It hurts but it's probably true. That crush has probably met their soul mate and more than likely it's not you. It's a fact of life I've learned to deal with. I don't know how the heck people do it! I barely have enough time and courage to figure out a girl's name in two weeks time let alone ask them to "go steady".
The question of my heart today is, ladies, what the heck do you think when a guy you don't even know comes up to you out of the blue and asks you on a date? Now now, ladies, before reaching into that clutch purse of yours for that can of mace and rape whistle, what goes through your mind? Are you flattered by his interest and courage or turned off at the fact that he's probably already talked to 5 girls before he got to you? Or maybe you could care less? Maybe it's never happened... would you like it if he did? Is that not creepy that the only reason I'm talking to you is because I'm physically attracted to you? How do those dates turn out if you do go?
Me personally, I like to get to know a girl first. Become closer to them more so on a friendship level, and if something comes from that, that's when I move into phase 2 of my secret 27 step plan to marriage. But never before then. What are these guys thinking anyways? Are they crazy? Am I crazy? Let me know... ESPECIALLY if you're one of those few outliers that has somehow slipped between the cracks of boyfriend and girlfriendom these past two weeks and need somebody to hold. Eh eh? Ha, ladies... It's good to be back.
We've all done it, so don't try and act innocent. Some friends and yourself got together this past weekend and you noticed a little somebody special you hadn't seen amongst your typical group of friends before. He was tall, dark, and handsome, witty, yet sincere. He had a body chiseled from stone and eyes as deep and blue as the sea. You had a great little chat around the bonfire, but you never got around to asking for the personal info. Seeing as how he was a friend of friend of a friend, the odds you'll ever see him again are slim to none. What do you do?
Stalk them of course! Facebook it up. Test out those private P.I. skills of yours and hunt em' down. Everyone is on Facebook or Myspace nowadays. It's very rare that I meet someone who hasn't fallen into the crowd like the rest of us sheep and had their whole lives strung across the internet for all to see.
One thing must be understood though, there is a process to such madness.
Rule:
1) You must pretend like you don't want it. Wait a day or two, see if they'll add you first.
2) Once you finally cave in and send your friend request, don't send a message! You don't want to seem too eager now do you?
3) Check their relationship status and quantity of friends. It could be they are way out of your league. Anybody with over 1,000 friends is far too cool for you anyways.
4) Look at every one of their pictures dating all the way back to middle school. Sort them with a fine toothed comb. Be as creepy as possible, they'll never know!
5) Still no word? Throw caution to the wind and light his entire page up! Add like/dislike comment, secret messages, mob war invitations, help commemorate the king of pop sensation causes, photo comments, Facebook chat, pokes, and anything of the sort... Trust me, they'll be all yours in no time. Who could resist such poise and elegance?
Ahem... So in case it wasn't blatantly obvious, I think this whole Facebook thing has gone too far. It's weird! I hate that I'm so addicted to it! I often wonder, what's wrong with myself? Is this not creepy? How do all of you out in the virtual world feel about it? Are you ladies okay with it? Would you prefer a good ol' fashioned phone call, or do you prefer the casuality of the wall post? What does the future hold?
I hate to say it but i'm torn! I just get so excited everytime I see that little red notification bubble or the coveted "new friend request"! But it right along with so many other forms of technology of our day seems like such a cop out or substitution for a real relationsip. When will we learn the error in our ways? Somehow I'm assuming later than sooner, so until then log on, hang out, and see who it is thats lurking behind that hyperlink. Go on ahead, take a look, it could be who you've been waiting for all along!
Here's a little background info on the origins of Facebook, check it out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook
Here's a little background info on the origins of Facebook, check it out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/
We all knew that when we ventured off on the long road to college, especially here at BYU-Idaho, a day would eventually come that we would find our "soul mate" and ride off into the sunset with them for time and all eternity. That's what we've waited for since we walked off of our planes from missions and stages from graduation. Eternal matrimony is our next step.
Marriage is inevitable, well, for most of us. I'm sure there's a large number of "World of Warcrafting momma's boys" who won't ever see the light of day outside of their parent's basement in order to even fathom such a thing. For the rest of us in the real world we'll meet that special someone, become one with them over time, understand who they really are, and eventually be married.
Well, that's if you're normal. Then you have those who apparently are the majority this semester. It's a growing epidemic I've seen come amongst my own ward and speckled here and there about campus as well. The thought: "Well, we've been dating for 5 weeks now and I'm... either a) about to graduate, b) undesirous to pay next semesters rent, or c) ecstatic that you haven't dumped me yet, so, will you marry me"? As of yet from what I've seen the response amongst couples has been a resounding "YES"!
My first response when I hear of said engagements is, "Are you Crazy??" Do you realize that you have to spend the rest of your lives with that person? Do you realize that person will help raise your future children? Do you realize this person may have some deep dark secret that you would have known about if you had taken the time to really get to know them for longer than a month before you got married?
Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm just cold and bitter that I haven't found my own "special someone," yet. I'm sure all of you will go on and live wonderfully happy lives. There are many who have come before you who have done just that and look at them now. Please, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone who has decided to venture into the dreary world of matrimony, but for me, the thought of doing so blindfolded is nothing less than obsurd. Try to avoid the thought process evoked by the evil snickers bar company, "Marriage, why wait"? This really is an important decision. Make the right one now, otherwise you'll have the rest of eternity to think about the consequences of impatience.
Article on marriage statistics:
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/eye-opening-marriage-statistics-637273.html
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm
My Dearest semi non-existant fan base,
How sorry I am that I haven't been able to post anything in the past week or so. I'm sure you are all just chomping at the bit to read my latest and greatest post, but as some of you may know, I had myself a little bit of an accident a week ago today. Riding my bike home late from the library one night I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting some passersby which sent me and mainly my face catapulting into the cold hard concrete. For those of you who like the gory details, I was down two and a half teeth and up about 6 stitches in my upper lip. Not to mention the pint or two of blood I'm sure I left there on the campus sidewalk.
Needless to say my pretty little money maker is no longer as pretty as it once was. My lip was roughly about the size of an adolescent grapefruit and as one classmate stated, all the scabs on my face looked something like old dried up egg yolk... Um, thank you Jeff. As you can imagine it was a difficult week for me. I didn't even want to leave the security of my quiet secluded bedroom even so much as to go take a pee. Thank you to so many of you who showed your love and care by bringing all sorts of blended/liquid foods, milkshakes, smoothies, chicken noodle soup, flowers, and moral support. It helped me feel not so ugly even when I knew that my face was one that which not even a mother could love.
Which brings me to the object of my post today. How important to you are looks in the opposite sex? Now, don't give me the old, "Oh I don't care what they look like, just as long as they love me for me" routine! I know everyone in the world needs somebody whom they are at least semi-attracted to. Does it matter if they're short or tall, chubby or skinny, or blond or brunette? What about eyes, teeth, hands, feet, even clothing??? What is the first thing you notice in an attractive guy or girl?
Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are many of you out there who really could care less about what a person looks like. Maybe, you could love them even if it looks like their face is a combination of citrus and poultry breakfast foods. If so, let me know your opinions! Log on and paint us a picture of your lovely dream weaver.
Dateline did a pretty interesting undercover story on looks, take a peek:
Here's something funny I found on the internet. I've seen a few of these dads in my day. Hilarious.
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of the date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with one of my little girls, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. You might have heard about her other two sisters, but you will not look. If you make her cry, I make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and my old Army Field Jacket - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature power tools are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, gray-headed, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a half acre behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to drift back a few years to my Army days and mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a hostile vehicle. Whenever I hear engines at night, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the weapons, probably as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Announce the perimeter password, relay in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
http://www.yoest.org/dating_my_daughters.html
Many relationships start and end great, some not so much. Some start shaky and some end terribly. Now, if you think about it, every relationship you've had up until now hasn't worked out, I repeat, has not worked out! Every relationship that you will have won't work out either! Feeling good about yourself so far?? Now Donald, don't say such hurtful things! But it's true... None of them will work out until you find the right one. Now unfortunately ladies, there's only so much of me to go around, so there will have to be some sort of disappointment amongst yourselves, sorry... ha, please excuse my delirious fantasies. Anyways, until we find that "one" we must sift and sort through oh so many not so close seconds. My question today is, where and in whom should we look for? Do you prefer the next Joe or Jane that shows some affection your direction or do you want somebody more, somebody as in a best friend?
I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but I've had and currently do have friends that I've often wondered, "what would it be like if there were something more between the two of us? We get along so great and I can tell you anything, far better than anyone I've ever gone on a date with." But It often seems almost as if it were taboo to date your friends, just because you don't want the relationship to get in the way of the "friendship"... Or maybe that's just the standard try not to hurt Donald's feelings response. Hmm, probably so I suppose, but to me the answer seems clear.
When I look back on past relationships, I guess I don't really talk to ex-girlfriends that I was friends with initially. Yet at the same time, I don't speak with the girls I wasn't friends with either, so what's the difference? That includes relationships that ended great and those that ended nothing short of a world war! We're all going to go off and get married eventually and face it, we'll all stop talking to our old best friends of the same-sex. If not, we'll probably have some rather jealous/bitter spouses and will probably be seeking a little marriage counseling.
So, I guess my point is why not?? I think the pros far outweigh the cons. So you may lose a friend or two, but think of what you might gain. Yeah, it always stinks when old friendships just aren't quite what they used to be, but as the two great poets William Shakespeare and Jason Mraz once said, "It's better to have been so lucky to have loved and lost a best friend than it is to have not loved at all." Haha, or at least something along those lines. Friends everywhere, If you've ever wondered "what if", here's my invitation to you, think a little less about losing a good friend and a little more about what it would be like to love a best friend.
Us students here at Byu-Idaho exist and date in an atmosphere unlike that of any other I have ever seen. I hate it. It's so weird! Where else in the world is it okay to take a girl out for snow cones on Friday and another for ice cream on Saturday? Where else in the world is it okay to go on a group date with 37 other couples? Where else in the world do you read your scriptures and go to the temple with your significant other for a cheap date? Where else in the world does your church official offer ice cream sundays if you meet your date quota for the month??? Just plain weird if you ask me!
You know, you always hear about how you should "play the field." Play the field? Why? I don't even like baseball, let alone playing in a field! What am I supposed to do out there? It supposedly gives us a better knowledge of who else is on the horizon, or all those other so called "fishes in the sea" that we hear about so often. Maybe for others, but all it does for me is frustrates. Give me an amen if you're with me on this ladies and gentlemen!
It seems in my life it's either feast or famine. Either I can't get a girl to even turn her little ipod off long enough for me to ask her out or I can't seem to find time for all the girls that are dying for me to ask them out... Okay, that's never happened, but hypothetically speaking of course. It just seems weird to date so many people at once. I mean, doesn't it seem like you're cheating on these dates of yours? Are you ever afraid one of your other "fishies" might see you out with another girl or guy and never talk to you again? I am dag nabbit! Then say you do decide you want to settle down and go for one person in specific. What about all the other people you had stringing along? What about their feelings?? Argh!! Can you tell I'm bitter about past relationships? Not really, but just imagine!
I suppose I'm trying to say maybe the rest of the world isn't too far off on this one. If you start to like someone and you think it'll work out, why do you have to date everyone and their mother to find out that you really did like that first person after all? I just think all too often we spend too long out in the field chasing butterflies, when at the plate we just missed our chance at bat.
Ever wonder where the saying "other fish in the sea" came from?
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/20/messages/1232.html
So this is a little bizarre, but interesting. I doubt I could ever accomplish such a feat, but if this helps anyone out there, run with it! Who wouldn't mind finding a little special someone to kiss every 12 minutes for the rest of your life? Oh, and I do apologize for the brief swearing.
This world we live in is a mysterious one. Science has in store secrets to unanswered questions that we may never know. Questions like "why is the sky blue", "where do babies come from", what will happen with John and Kate plus 8", and... "do girls really fart"? Some would suggest urban myth. Tall tails you might say, along with the likes of the Abominable Snowman, Nessy, or even Big Foot,
It's shocking I know, rumors that girls do indeed suffer from occasional flatulence. Icky is the first word that comes to mind. Bizarre, the second. I suppose man wasn't meant to understand the complexities of the universe, nor the anatomy of the female prototype. But we shall not judge, nor shall we fear, but move forward boldly refusing to look back. Who knows, girls have the tendency to smell like flowers, I'm sure their gaseous poofs smell as fresh as a tropical Glade plug-in on an early spring morning. Sniff sniff, sigh... The best part of waking up, something for all of us "singles" of the world to look forward to.
Which brings me to my point of today's post. As guys and girls date, we slowly, day by day, become more and more able to be ourselves around our significant other. We begin to open up and share things we wouldn't share with just anybody... including said flatulence! So my question is, how long is long enough? How long must one wait to "be him or herself", good smells and bad smells alike, to make sure their mates don't take off sprinting for the door gasping for air? My opinion ladies is, HOLD it until marriage! Nothing says "I love you" like a surprise mushroom cloud under the sheets for that special man in your life! Then girls can you let em' loose. Just make sure your keep your Glade refills topped off and we'll all be happy men!
I heard a friend talking the other day and he used an analogy that I found to be quite intriuging and pretty much spot on.
"You see, Donald, guys and girls, we're different. Guys are like microwaves and girls are like crock pots"
... Take a second, you know you're trying to figure it out. Nope not that... you dirty little! Think about it... and okay. So, basically my friend was trying to convey the difference between attraction and attraction times for guys and girls.
Crock pots - Wonderful inventions. They cook fantastic meals. Just plug and play. Incredibly long periods of time to cook. Bad for impatient people.
Microwave ovens - Wonderful inventions. Cooks mediocre meals. Just press and play. Incredibly short periods of time to cook. Great for impatient people!
Let me rewind about 10 years... Ere ere ere ere, rewinding, ere ere.... ere ere ere. That's my rewinding sound... ere ere. Okay, so here we are in a middle school english class with little old middle school Donald, long bleach blonde toilet bowl haircut, jacked up pre-brace teeth, with the occasional cracking of the voice. Now, I wasn't much to look at, but I sure had a thing for this girl Amanda. For the longest time this girl had me wrapped around her little finger. I tried everything. I wrote the poems, picked the flowers, sent the notes, and did just about everything a poor little boy could do to catch the eye of his not so secret crush. Unfortunately for me Amanda could have cared less. To her I didn't even exist. Months went by and I finally convinced myself this Amanda wasn't so great after all, and I moved on. As it turned out, she had a change of heart too. This girl was all over me! Granted, I can't blame her, those were my sexy years... Fortunately I stood my ground and didn't give into her desires. Oh what a beautiful relationship we could have had if only we had the same cooking times.
Guys are fast to react and fast to fall. They see a girl that fancies their interest and they're hooked. All we really want is someone to hold... sigh... Girls weigh out their options, pull our hearts out, roll them in the dirt and write their names on them in magic marker so all other girls know that they've marked their territory. Just as we begin to learn to live without our hearts the girls come prancing back to us, dust our poor hearts off and try to pretend like nothing ever happened, all because now after so long they decide we're not so bad after all. Pshhh.
Guys - Good inventions, mediocre cooks, one glance is all it takes, incredibly short periods of time to hook.
Girls - Fantastic inventions, amazing cooks (in some cases), takes at least your first born child, incredibly long periods of time to hook, oh and a sharpie so she can write her name all over your heart!
I'm not sure if this is real, legit, dating video footage or not, but provides for great entertainment nonetheless. Everybody needs somebody, otherwise you apparently go crazy... like this guy. Seize the day!
I want you to think for a moment. Think of a time when you went out on a date with a little crush of yours and the date went either A.) Fantastic, B.) Not too terrible, or C.) Terrible would be an absolute compliment! I'm sure many of you out there in the dating world can associate yourselves with at least one or maybe all three of our previous options. Hopefully more A's than C's, but if you're a guy and C's are your thing, right on brother, good luck in the millenium! But, if you're looking to improve those not so amazing dates with those special someone's in your life, take my words to heart. The date you take your date on can make or break your date. Hmm... I like that.
I've come to realize that a good date is one that offers an opportunity for conversation and interaction. It's so easy guys, to just say "dinner and movie"? Really though gentlemen, I know that men have a hard time thinking. It CAN cause sharp pains to run through the cerebral cortex. Especially if you do it for extended periods of time, buuut, I think that's a risk that we're just going to have to take. If we ever intend to find that future ball and chain, it's time to buck up and plan ahead. I heard once that a good date must follow the three P's. Planned out, Paid for, and uh, well I forget the third, but it was good. Girls really do appreciate it when they can see the time and effort we've put into an outing just for lil' ol' them. Think of it this way: The more you put into a date, the more you'll get out of it! Eh eh??
Make sure it's not too awkward either. Don't show her any of your "special" talents. Keep ex-girlfriends out of the conversation, be confident, and for heavens sakes just have a good time. It's when we overthink the situation that we really mess up what we probably could have had. Don't be afraid to try something new, be creative, and remember if you want to get to the fruit of the tree, sometimes you have to be willing to go out on a limb. Make it an experience she won't soon forget!
Oh, and guys, here's a few websites with some ideas that might get those gears churning
And LADIES, just for kicks and giggles, what do you think makes a great date? Also, if you have any past great/not so amazing date experiences that you wouldn't mind sharing, comment and let us know, that way we can learn from all those that have come before us!
So, I often wonder why it is that men and women are so different in their perception of what it is that the opposite sex is trying to say. Why can't we just say what we mean, or is it too much to ask that we all speak the same language? Men for the most part, I feel, say moreso what is on their minds. Women, for whatever reason have a hard time with that. Who the heck knows what women are talking about anyways? (See previous post: Manslation) I know that I sure don't.
A fine young lady stopped by my house today to visit with my roommates and I. In order to maintain the confidentiality between this friend and myself I'll just refer to her as..."Hannah". We proceeded to discuss the interworkings of her emotions towards another certain gentleman. After much poking and prodding the conversation wasn't getting anywhere. It was 3 on 1, my two roommates and I against her. We fired question after question, but she wouldn't budge. Finally in desperation we asked what exactly is it that you want? Ms "Hannah" didn't really seem to have an answer. But you can believe she was all sorts of flustered by our great debating skills and didn't stand a chance against our logic. So, not only did she further prove my theory that girls don't know what they want by actually admitting to it herself, but she then proceeded to try to convince my roommate Kyle to help defend her in her oh so weak position. She said, and I quote, in somewhat similar/my interpretation of her words...
Kyle, what is your opinion on said matter?
Well "Hannah", I think Donald and Kevin are absolutely right. I know that because Donald is pretty much amazing.... Eeh! Kyle, that's enough thank you!
She cut him off even before he had a chance to expound upon his oh so valid point! I believe what she meant to say was, "Kyle, please agree with whatever it is I have to say, if not please cease from speaking such blasphemes..."
Therefore bringing me back to my original point, woman really would be so much easier to understand if they all came with their own little book of translations. Life would be oh so much easier. No more guessing, no more wondering, no more getting in trouble for reasons we're not really even sure why... Then again, guys don't read instructions as it is anyways. So really, girls, don't fret too much because I suppose we'll love you no matter what language you speak.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. What do you think = Please repeat back to me what it is I want you to say
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Hot dang!
5. I love you = Feed me, I'm still hungry.
6. I am bored = Feed me, hello.
7. May I have this dance? = Please let me touch you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = Can I please receive the secret code that when entered telephonically will lead me to you which would make it your beautiful "A" number?
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = What are the chances my crusty lips can interact with yours tonight?
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = Food + Female = Heaven on earth / The more food you have in your mouth the less I have to hear come out of it.
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. What do you think = Please repeat back to me what it is I want you to say
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Hot dang!
5. I love you = Feed me, I'm still hungry.
6. I am bored = Feed me, hello.
7. May I have this dance? = Please let me touch you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = Can I please receive the secret code that when entered telephonically will lead me to you which would make it your beautiful "A" number?
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = What are the chances my crusty lips can interact with yours tonight?
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = Food + Female = Heaven on earth / The more food you have in your mouth the less I have to hear come out of it.
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
Okay, so before all of my 4 female followers boycott me and rip me from head to toe, understand these are not my words! Part of my project for class was to write about an article in the news. I found this one. "Why some single women just need to shut up." I found it intriguing actually, ha.
So, the author, Wendy Atterberry, who I assume is female, goes on to say why she would appreciate it if her fellow women of the world would just quit whining. She says there are many woman who are perfectly content with being single, which is totally fine. But, the audience she chose to speak to was that of the many women who DO want somebody to cuddle with, somebody they can talk to, somebody they can, in the Mormon universe, spend eternity with.
She suggests that these ladies who, and I qoute, are "so committed to not compromising, to not being flexible, to not stepping a centimeter outside their comfort zone, or, God forbid, turning off their guilty pleasure TV, they refuse to actually GO OUT, mingle, maybe even meet someone nice," do just that and make a change. Ouch, faces...
Now, not to say that us guys are doing everything we should to ask all of you nice young ladies out, but just supporting the aformentioned post about how if a girl wants it, flaunt it! If you're not happy with your current dating situation make a change! Let me see that flirty side. Let me know you're interested. The other day I was chastised by a young lady for being home alone watching the Lakers steal a victory from the Denver Nuggets when I could have been out romancing some fine little fox. The point of my story is that she made the effort just to stop by and say hi, even though she ridiculed my hopeless dateless life. (still bitter by the way)
We were also counseled this week by Sister Clark at our "meet the President and his wife FHE" to not have some huge checklist of things we want in the opposite sex. Wendy Atterberry comments on the same saying, "But bear in mind, YOU aren't perfect, and there's not going to be a perfect person for you. If you refuse to settle for anything less, you're going to be lonely for a very, very long time." I learned a lot this week from both of those statements. Really, the object of life isn't to search out and find the ONE perfect person, it's to find that someone that makes you happy, that understands you, and that loves you with all their heart.
So, to wrap up this terribly long post, girls take a chance. You never know, that weirdo that sits behind you in your chem class who breathes heavily every time your eyes wonder in his direction could be your future mate! If not, in the words of Wendy, "for heavens sake, quit your whining. The rest of us don't want to hear it anymore!"
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/28/tf.happies.crappies.alone/index.html#cnnSTCText
So, the author, Wendy Atterberry, who I assume is female, goes on to say why she would appreciate it if her fellow women of the world would just quit whining. She says there are many woman who are perfectly content with being single, which is totally fine. But, the audience she chose to speak to was that of the many women who DO want somebody to cuddle with, somebody they can talk to, somebody they can, in the Mormon universe, spend eternity with.
She suggests that these ladies who, and I qoute, are "so committed to not compromising, to not being flexible, to not stepping a centimeter outside their comfort zone, or, God forbid, turning off their guilty pleasure TV, they refuse to actually GO OUT, mingle, maybe even meet someone nice," do just that and make a change. Ouch, faces...
Now, not to say that us guys are doing everything we should to ask all of you nice young ladies out, but just supporting the aformentioned post about how if a girl wants it, flaunt it! If you're not happy with your current dating situation make a change! Let me see that flirty side. Let me know you're interested. The other day I was chastised by a young lady for being home alone watching the Lakers steal a victory from the Denver Nuggets when I could have been out romancing some fine little fox. The point of my story is that she made the effort just to stop by and say hi, even though she ridiculed my hopeless dateless life. (still bitter by the way)
We were also counseled this week by Sister Clark at our "meet the President and his wife FHE" to not have some huge checklist of things we want in the opposite sex. Wendy Atterberry comments on the same saying, "But bear in mind, YOU aren't perfect, and there's not going to be a perfect person for you. If you refuse to settle for anything less, you're going to be lonely for a very, very long time." I learned a lot this week from both of those statements. Really, the object of life isn't to search out and find the ONE perfect person, it's to find that someone that makes you happy, that understands you, and that loves you with all their heart.
So, to wrap up this terribly long post, girls take a chance. You never know, that weirdo that sits behind you in your chem class who breathes heavily every time your eyes wonder in his direction could be your future mate! If not, in the words of Wendy, "for heavens sake, quit your whining. The rest of us don't want to hear it anymore!"
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/28/tf.happies.crappies.alone/index.html#cnnSTCText
Girls, sometimes I feel like us guys try and try but to no avail. No matter what we do or what we say, it's just not good enough. You women are cold as ice. That's okay though, someday after you see what these lovely lads of the world have in store for you, I'm sure you'll come a crawling back. Enjoy!
I used to think of myself as some would say, a "ladies man". Unfortunately I am in no way, shape or form, emphasis on "form", that which I once was. I use to be courageous, daring, bold, tender, caring, kisser of good, better yet, great kisses... ha. I had long flowing locks, a chiseled abdomen, and my gluteus maximus was to die for. I was even a stunt double for a few of those, "I can't believe it's not butter" commercials.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. The never ending supply of immitation butter got the best of me and my world soon came crashing down. Welcome to the present, fun loving, slightly chubby, new and not so improved version of me. Even during those aforementioned courageous non-existent years, I never knew when exactly I should try for the evasive "hand hold", the semi awkward "should I hug or handshake" moment, or the all-too terrifying "first kiss".
Having been home from my mission now for nearly a year and a half I've become more and more aware that I don't really have much of a spine. That is what I consider to be one of my greatest faults, along with that of many other males my age. We wait so long sometimes for that perfect moment, that it passes from our very hands. My question today is, how long is too long? When should we go for the hand? When should we try for the goodnight kiss? Are girls turned off by a guy who takes too long to make a move, or does it just make that first time even more memorable when it does happen? Should the girl take things into her own hands if the guy is scared out of his mind and shaking in his shoes? For all of us spineless fools in the world, ladies, please give us some sort of guidance, a timetable maybe! Oh, if only it were that easy...
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. The never ending supply of immitation butter got the best of me and my world soon came crashing down. Welcome to the present, fun loving, slightly chubby, new and not so improved version of me. Even during those aforementioned courageous non-existent years, I never knew when exactly I should try for the evasive "hand hold", the semi awkward "should I hug or handshake" moment, or the all-too terrifying "first kiss".
Having been home from my mission now for nearly a year and a half I've become more and more aware that I don't really have much of a spine. That is what I consider to be one of my greatest faults, along with that of many other males my age. We wait so long sometimes for that perfect moment, that it passes from our very hands. My question today is, how long is too long? When should we go for the hand? When should we try for the goodnight kiss? Are girls turned off by a guy who takes too long to make a move, or does it just make that first time even more memorable when it does happen? Should the girl take things into her own hands if the guy is scared out of his mind and shaking in his shoes? For all of us spineless fools in the world, ladies, please give us some sort of guidance, a timetable maybe! Oh, if only it were that easy...
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your butt any chance he gets.
When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder he will die first.
When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you wonder how he got so "mushy."
When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.
When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.
When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.
When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."
To text or not to text, that is the question. So let's say I meet a girl and get her phone number. Ha, yeah right, hypothetical situation of course. As if I could really accomplish such a feat. Pretending that I did, what in our time and age is the appropriate choice?
A wise friend of mine tries to keep me on the straight and narrow with his old fashioned ways. He tells me,
"Donald, (in deep father like tone) you get what you put into the relationship. If you're not willing to make the effort to have that personal communication through a simple phone call, you won't get that personal relationship that you really desire."
Makes sense, right? Or does it? Guys do the ladies mind that we don't call to ask them out on a date, but settle for a quick text message instead? I used to hate text messages, they're so impersonal. Now, that's the only reason I ever even use my phone. Ladies, what do you want from that cute guy in your math class that keeps looking your way? Do you lose whatever interest you might have had when your phone vibrates signaling the cowardice of your crush, or does it even matter that much to you? I say boycott the T9 and let's return to the pre-information age way of life. Isn't it about time?
A wise friend of mine tries to keep me on the straight and narrow with his old fashioned ways. He tells me,
"Donald, (in deep father like tone) you get what you put into the relationship. If you're not willing to make the effort to have that personal communication through a simple phone call, you won't get that personal relationship that you really desire."
Makes sense, right? Or does it? Guys do the ladies mind that we don't call to ask them out on a date, but settle for a quick text message instead? I used to hate text messages, they're so impersonal. Now, that's the only reason I ever even use my phone. Ladies, what do you want from that cute guy in your math class that keeps looking your way? Do you lose whatever interest you might have had when your phone vibrates signaling the cowardice of your crush, or does it even matter that much to you? I say boycott the T9 and let's return to the pre-information age way of life. Isn't it about time?
So, ladies. Hear me out. You gals posess within you a great power I feel you do not realize that you even wield. The power to pull and tug at the heart strings of poor unsuspecting little gentlemen.
Girls and guys are so different in so many ways. Here's one big one. Girls like guys, just after they've had a chance to develop a crush. Guys like girls, well, pretty much immediately. If I walk up and tell a girl I like her, if she didn't already like me first, I don't stand a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks of ever making it out of her "friend zone". However! If a certain young lady were to walk up to me and say, "Donald, I like you", that my friends is a different story.
Guys have the capacity to like and crush much faster than girls. Ladies, I don't know why you guys are so slow, but dog gone it, pick up the pace! So, my suggestion is this. Girls, if you like a guy, tell him! If he didn't like you before there's a pretty good chance he will now. You know how bad guys are at asking for directions, we need you to give us a little guidance. Point us in the right direction, namely at you, and we'll be ready and waiting to live happily ever after.
Girls and guys are so different in so many ways. Here's one big one. Girls like guys, just after they've had a chance to develop a crush. Guys like girls, well, pretty much immediately. If I walk up and tell a girl I like her, if she didn't already like me first, I don't stand a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks of ever making it out of her "friend zone". However! If a certain young lady were to walk up to me and say, "Donald, I like you", that my friends is a different story.
Guys have the capacity to like and crush much faster than girls. Ladies, I don't know why you guys are so slow, but dog gone it, pick up the pace! So, my suggestion is this. Girls, if you like a guy, tell him! If he didn't like you before there's a pretty good chance he will now. You know how bad guys are at asking for directions, we need you to give us a little guidance. Point us in the right direction, namely at you, and we'll be ready and waiting to live happily ever after.
To start off, I don't consider myself in any way shape or form a dating expert. In most cases I have girls running the opposite direction before I even have a chance to introduce myself! Maybe it's the glare illuminating from my inreasingly balding head or my high pitched laugh that sends them on their way. Having come to grips with my insecurities I still would like to know one thing. What exactly are women thinking? Even more so, what are mormon girls at Byu-Idaho thinking? This blog is dedicated to all men everywhere who have ever wanted to understand the females in their lives, including but not limited to: crushes, girlfriends, wives, mothers, sisters, grandmas, aunts, teachers, friends, and in some rare cases, pets. But, in order to be able to come to a better understanding, this is my desperate cry to all of the aforementioned lasses out there. We need your help. Blog, comment, scream, yell, bash, and even agree if you feel so inclined. Just share your opinions. Guys help too! Ask questions, seek answers, and man up! Hopefully as we work together we can come to a greater understanding of what guys and girls are looking for in a mate. That we might do that which so many friends and family members said we'd do as we ventured off to Brigham Young University-Idaho, hook up, and find our sould mates! Yay! Or if anything at least have a good laugh at that which has been attempted so many times before. Thank you, and thank you.
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