She's just not that into me...

Don't look know, ladies... But at this very moment you're being watched. Lurking through the tall grass of the frozen Rexburg tundra, lies the not-so discreet, marriage seeking, hair-parted, ex-name tag wearing, returned missionary... Dun... dun... dun. Yes, as you're reading this wonderfully delectable post, by me, the wise and all-knowing Donald, you have a certain young man, watching, waiting for you to step outside of your front door. Whether you're wearing your "princess" on the bum pajamas and bunny slippers, or you have your Gucci bag on with your hair "did", you're not safe. His eye is on you and you won't be able to remove it until he's tied a knot in your heart strings and has dragged you all over campus by them.

Beware you young ladies, especially. All of you unsupecting 18 and 19 year old girls who come to school looking for "your" RM... you know, the one you've been singing about in primary since you were 5? You may not have met him yet, but he knows who you are and he already has the names picked out for your first eleven children. When he does decide to "pounce", you'll be so love stricken you won't know what to do with yourselves besides swoon and fall ever so gracefully into his ever so strong arms. They know that you are vulnerable and don't have experience with their sly and cunning ways. So, I beg of you, be cautious.

They have one purpose and one purpose only. To end your single life as you know it. They have been charged by mission presidents all over the world and have accepted their call to multiply and replenish the earth. They have their targets and you are their victims. So I say to you, understand their intentions.

Now... on the other hand of reason. I am a returned missionary and I do want to get married. I will multiply and replenish the earth, hopefully, if someone will have me : ) But in all honesty marriage still scares me. It's a huge step to take, yet I think a marvelous one. However, just because I spent 2 years of my life dedicated to the Lord, and you aren't ready for marriage doesn't mean you should avoid me nor those like me like the black plague either. I feel bad when I talk to girls and they say that they don't want to date "so and so returned missionary" mainly because they have gone on a mission and said young lady is afraid he'll want to get married. If you ask me, that's a little messed up. But I suppose that's up to you.

In conclusion, "RM's", be tender with these young souls. They are delicate, wonderful, daughters of God and should be treated as such. Ladies, understand that when a returned missionary asks you on a date be careful and don't fall head over heels in love too fast. Those experienced "hunters" have a tendency to break young little hearts like yours. But along with that suggestion, just because you're young, ladies, and you feel like you have your entire life to live before you'd like to settle down, does not mean you should not date one. They are good guys, for the must part. So before you say "No" just keep in mind what you might be passing up. Me! Haha. Also, I promise we don't want to marry you... Well, not quite yet anyways...

Life gets tough at times. We all know that. Between school, work, church and family there's barely time in the day to even breathe. We all need someone we can depend on. Someone as Ben E. King and Timon and Pumba once stated, who can "stand by me/you". Someone who can help us forget the world, sit back, and relax if only for a moment. But to what extent should these friends serve their purpose? That my devoted audience is the question.

As I prepared to come to school here at BYU Idaho the common response I'd receive from people was either one of two things: Rexburg is...

1) Frozen or
2) NCMO central (Non-commital make out for all you innocent little angels out there : )

Which I must say, I was a little excited about... lol. But contrary to what I'd heard, Rexburg seems like nothing of the sort, or at least the Rexburgians I know. Everyone seems for the most part content with keeping the lip locking/saliva swapping to a minimum unless they are dating that special someone. Now, am I just living on the Pleasantville side of campus or does this sort of thing really go on, and do tell where!! Ha. Jp.

I'd assume that if I were to ask everyone's opinion on said NCMO subject matter I'd get quite the array of responses (Guys for it and girls against it... Unfortunately that just leaves a bunch of guys making out with eachother, haha). Probably more so of a response that such a thing is blasphemous and you'd never be caught dead in such a situation.

But what if the scenario arises with you in it? What if that handsome guy or smokin' girl is being a little extra flirty all of the sudden? Do you have enough gumption to stop them in their tracks, or do you roll with the punches? If you're really good friends with the person wouldn't you maybe want to have more of a romantic relationship with them anyways? Have any of you out there ever found yourself in this situation? What did you do? What's the right thing to do as good upstanding members of the church? How good of friends is too good of friends? Because in the end don't we want to be good friends to our friends afterall? Don't we want to be someone they can depend on during times of need, whatever it may be! Either way let me know... That way I too can have a friend "stand by me." ; )

Recently I've had the opportunity to chat with a few lady friends about their love lives. As we spoke of good times and bad times, break ups and hooks ups, happy times and sad times, one thing stood out to me as an intregal part of dating that I think has somehow lost its ways over the years. Confidence. Guys lack it and girls want it.

Guys, have you ever been talking to a girl, everything is going great, and then had the thought, "Don't get nervous and say anything stupid, stupid"! Then low and behold your heart stops, you swallow hard, and you can't think of anything else to say except, "please excuse me while I sit here and drool over myself..." I do it all the time! It's an awkward skill I've acquired over the years. It ruins a conversation in 2 seconds flat... Ha. Most definitely horrific and amazingly awkward.

Now for those of you who know me, it's common knowledge that I can be a little ostentatious/obnoxious/overbearing. Which I think to some degree girls like, whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone likes to laugh and if I can help you do that it seems to have a tendency to help you open your heart just a little ity bit to see who this guy really is. Now that's great for when I'm with a girl I'm not attracted to or interested in, because I can be myself. But my question is why is it so dang hard to do that around girls you do like? It drives me crazy. If I could just reverse the bloody roles I'd have beautiful women falling all over me! Hypothetically and very unlikely speaking of course. But just think!

On that note, women, how do you girls respond when a guy is talking to you and most obviously is tripping all over himself? Do you realize that it's because he probably likes you and is scared out of his mind as it is just to be near you? Do you appreciate him for his attempt or shiver in disgust after he leaves with your fake number? Ha... Maybe you find it cute? I can't imagine why, weird if you ask me... but let me know. That way the next time I have to untie my tongue while I'm talking to you you'll better understand why I sound so retarded and I'll know a little better the cruel things going through your head when I do. Thank you.

Yes, a few months have gone by and here I find myself once again. Still confused and still seeking greater knowledge into the obscure world of the female mind. I've thought long and hard as to what should be the subject matter of the post for my great and triumphant return to the cyber-world dating scene. After much deliberation I've concluded that nothing would be more fitting than to what's on everyone's mind right now at the beginning of every semester. What hot new guy or girl can I possibly date this semester, and will he/she finally be the one??? And if that's not on your mind right now... Well I suppose you just don't bleed true Byu-Idaho blood then.

Tis' the season for hooking up and pairing off, and by season I mean the first two weeks of school. If you haven't found a mate by this time two days ago, give up, you've lost all hope! Your crush is already dating somebody else. Ha... It hurts but it's probably true. That crush has probably met their soul mate and more than likely it's not you. It's a fact of life I've learned to deal with. I don't know how the heck people do it! I barely have enough time and courage to figure out a girl's name in two weeks time let alone ask them to "go steady".

The question of my heart today is, ladies, what the heck do you think when a guy you don't even know comes up to you out of the blue and asks you on a date? Now now, ladies, before reaching into that clutch purse of yours for that can of mace and rape whistle, what goes through your mind? Are you flattered by his interest and courage or turned off at the fact that he's probably already talked to 5 girls before he got to you? Or maybe you could care less? Maybe it's never happened... would you like it if he did? Is that not creepy that the only reason I'm talking to you is because I'm physically attracted to you? How do those dates turn out if you do go?

Me personally, I like to get to know a girl first. Become closer to them more so on a friendship level, and if something comes from that, that's when I move into phase 2 of my secret 27 step plan to marriage. But never before then. What are these guys thinking anyways? Are they crazy? Am I crazy? Let me know... ESPECIALLY if you're one of those few outliers that has somehow slipped between the cracks of boyfriend and girlfriendom these past two weeks and need somebody to hold. Eh eh? Ha, ladies... It's good to be back.

My Dearest semi non-existant fan base,

How sorry I am that I haven't been able to post anything in the past week or so. I'm sure you are all just chomping at the bit to read my latest and greatest post, but as some of you may know, I had myself a little bit of an accident a week ago today. Riding my bike home late from the library one night I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting some passersby which sent me and mainly my face catapulting into the cold hard concrete. For those of you who like the gory details, I was down two and a half teeth and up about 6 stitches in my upper lip. Not to mention the pint or two of blood I'm sure I left there on the campus sidewalk.

Needless to say my pretty little money maker is no longer as pretty as it once was. My lip was roughly about the size of an adolescent grapefruit and as one classmate stated, all the scabs on my face looked something like old dried up egg yolk... Um, thank you Jeff. As you can imagine it was a difficult week for me. I didn't even want to leave the security of my quiet secluded bedroom even so much as to go take a pee. Thank you to so many of you who showed your love and care by bringing all sorts of blended/liquid foods, milkshakes, smoothies, chicken noodle soup, flowers, and moral support. It helped me feel not so ugly even when I knew that my face was one that which not even a mother could love.

Which brings me to the object of my post today. How important to you are looks in the opposite sex? Now, don't give me the old, "Oh I don't care what they look like, just as long as they love me for me" routine! I know everyone in the world needs somebody whom they are at least semi-attracted to. Does it matter if they're short or tall, chubby or skinny, or blond or brunette? What about eyes, teeth, hands, feet, even clothing??? What is the first thing you notice in an attractive guy or girl?

Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are many of you out there who really could care less about what a person looks like. Maybe, you could love them even if it looks like their face is a combination of citrus and poultry breakfast foods. If so, let me know your opinions! Log on and paint us a picture of your lovely dream weaver.

Dateline did a pretty interesting undercover story on looks, take a peek:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3917414