Your Trial Period Expires

Try it before you buy it right!? My question though, is when does your trial period expire? As a preface, I should probably explain that I tend to be painstakingly blunt and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble. I'll admit, I've had conversations as bad as this:
Joe: "Hey, so I was thinking I'd like to take you out sometime, can I get your number?"
Me: "You know, Joe, thanks but I should probably just tell you straight up, I'm not really interested in going out with you."
Gasp! (Right?) That was evidence of something I like to call an honesty-filter malfunction and basic lack of common courtesy. Hey, I'm working on it. Truly. I used think the best course of action was brutal honesty. In my mind, rejecting someone from the get-go was doing him a kindness by saving him time, energy and money. But you live and you learn. I've come to realize that generally a guy would rather be given a chance (even if it's a waste in my eyes) than be rejected initially and suffer a hit to his self-esteem.

Thus, Conclusion # 1: There are unwritten rules of socially acceptable conduct within this culture that we must obey! Girls, we do have an obligation (with a few exceptions) to give a guy a chance; at least ONE date.

But after that first date, then what does the guy expect? Does he want me to give him a second chance if I'm still not interested? Or does he want me to come up with a way to (kindly) tell him how it is?
Most often my problem is that I'm just not sure if I'm interested or not. I need a longer trial period so I can get to know him better. But dragging out the trial period can get you into trouble as well...you'll be accused of "leading him on." My solution: A three-date rule. After date number three I have to ask myself honestly: "Can I see myself getting married to this guy for time and all eternity?" Usually I shudder at the thought and know that it's time to let him down... gently.  

Conclusion number 2: Girls can know by the third date (IF NOT SOONER) if continuing to date would be a complete waste of time. 


When a girl consents to go on date #4 she is sending a message. She's saying "I'm really hoping that this relationship goes somewhere." If that's NOT what she's trying to say... then she's either leading you on or is thoroughly confused.
So girls, find that happy balance between being honest and being kind. Obey the unwritten rules of conduct. Boys, allow girls a little time to get to know you and (just a suggestion) make those first three dates cheap ones! Don't get your hopes up until the trial period ends.

The "Great Lady Hunters"

Don't look know, ladies... But at this very moment you're being watched. Lurking through the tall grass of the frozen Rexburg tundra, lies the not-so discreet, marriage seeking, hair-parted, ex-name tag wearing, returned missionary... Dun... dun... dun. Yes, as you're reading this wonderfully delectable post, by me, the wise and all-knowing Donald, you have a certain young man, watching, waiting for you to step outside of your front door. Whether you're wearing your "princess" on the bum pajamas and bunny slippers, or you have your Gucci bag on with your hair "did", you're not safe. His eye is on you and you won't be able to remove it until he's tied a knot in your heart strings and has dragged you all over campus by them.

Beware you young ladies, especially. All of you unsupecting 18 and 19 year old girls who come to school looking for "your" RM... you know, the one you've been singing about in primary since you were 5? You may not have met him yet, but he knows who you are and he already has the names picked out for your first eleven children. When he does decide to "pounce", you'll be so love stricken you won't know what to do with yourselves besides swoon and fall ever so gracefully into his ever so strong arms. They know that you are vulnerable and don't have experience with their sly and cunning ways. So, I beg of you, be cautious.

They have one purpose and one purpose only. To end your single life as you know it. They have been charged by mission presidents all over the world and have accepted their call to multiply and replenish the earth. They have their targets and you are their victims. So I say to you, understand their intentions.

Now... on the other hand of reason. I am a returned missionary and I do want to get married. I will multiply and replenish the earth, hopefully, if someone will have me : ) But in all honesty marriage still scares me. It's a huge step to take, yet I think a marvelous one. However, just because I spent 2 years of my life dedicated to the Lord, and you aren't ready for marriage doesn't mean you should avoid me nor those like me like the black plague either. I feel bad when I talk to girls and they say that they don't want to date "so and so returned missionary" mainly because they have gone on a mission and said young lady is afraid he'll want to get married. If you ask me, that's a little messed up. But I suppose that's up to you.

In conclusion, "RM's", be tender with these young souls. They are delicate, wonderful, daughters of God and should be treated as such. Ladies, understand that when a returned missionary asks you on a date be careful and don't fall head over heels in love too fast. Those experienced "hunters" have a tendency to break young little hearts like yours. But along with that suggestion, just because you're young, ladies, and you feel like you have your entire life to live before you'd like to settle down, does not mean you should not date one. They are good guys, for the must part. So before you say "No" just keep in mind what you might be passing up. Me! Haha. Also, I promise we don't want to marry you... Well, not quite yet anyways...

What are friends for?

Life gets tough at times. We all know that. Between school, work, church and family there's barely time in the day to even breathe. We all need someone we can depend on. Someone as Ben E. King and Timon and Pumba once stated, who can "stand by me/you". Someone who can help us forget the world, sit back, and relax if only for a moment. But to what extent should these friends serve their purpose? That my devoted audience is the question.

As I prepared to come to school here at BYU Idaho the common response I'd receive from people was either one of two things: Rexburg is...

1) Frozen or
2) NCMO central (Non-commital make out for all you innocent little angels out there : )

Which I must say, I was a little excited about... lol. But contrary to what I'd heard, Rexburg seems like nothing of the sort, or at least the Rexburgians I know. Everyone seems for the most part content with keeping the lip locking/saliva swapping to a minimum unless they are dating that special someone. Now, am I just living on the Pleasantville side of campus or does this sort of thing really go on, and do tell where!! Ha. Jp.

I'd assume that if I were to ask everyone's opinion on said NCMO subject matter I'd get quite the array of responses (Guys for it and girls against it... Unfortunately that just leaves a bunch of guys making out with eachother, haha). Probably more so of a response that such a thing is blasphemous and you'd never be caught dead in such a situation.

But what if the scenario arises with you in it? What if that handsome guy or smokin' girl is being a little extra flirty all of the sudden? Do you have enough gumption to stop them in their tracks, or do you roll with the punches? If you're really good friends with the person wouldn't you maybe want to have more of a romantic relationship with them anyways? Have any of you out there ever found yourself in this situation? What did you do? What's the right thing to do as good upstanding members of the church? How good of friends is too good of friends? Because in the end don't we want to be good friends to our friends afterall? Don't we want to be someone they can depend on during times of need, whatever it may be! Either way let me know... That way I too can have a friend "stand by me." ; )

Hi! I'm crazy!

Recently I've had the opportunity to chat with a few lady friends about their love lives. As we spoke of good times and bad times, break ups and hooks ups, happy times and sad times, one thing stood out to me as an intregal part of dating that I think has somehow lost its ways over the years. Confidence. Guys lack it and girls want it.

Guys, have you ever been talking to a girl, everything is going great, and then had the thought, "Don't get nervous and say anything stupid, stupid"! Then low and behold your heart stops, you swallow hard, and you can't think of anything else to say except, "please excuse me while I sit here and drool over myself..." I do it all the time! It's an awkward skill I've acquired over the years. It ruins a conversation in 2 seconds flat... Ha. Most definitely horrific and amazingly awkward.

Now for those of you who know me, it's common knowledge that I can be a little ostentatious/obnoxious/overbearing. Which I think to some degree girls like, whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone likes to laugh and if I can help you do that it seems to have a tendency to help you open your heart just a little ity bit to see who this guy really is. Now that's great for when I'm with a girl I'm not attracted to or interested in, because I can be myself. But my question is why is it so dang hard to do that around girls you do like? It drives me crazy. If I could just reverse the bloody roles I'd have beautiful women falling all over me! Hypothetically and very unlikely speaking of course. But just think!

On that note, women, how do you girls respond when a guy is talking to you and most obviously is tripping all over himself? Do you realize that it's because he probably likes you and is scared out of his mind as it is just to be near you? Do you appreciate him for his attempt or shiver in disgust after he leaves with your fake number? Ha... Maybe you find it cute? I can't imagine why, weird if you ask me... but let me know. That way the next time I have to untie my tongue while I'm talking to you you'll better understand why I sound so retarded and I'll know a little better the cruel things going through your head when I do. Thank you.

Two weeks to determine the rest of your life

Yes, a few months have gone by and here I find myself once again. Still confused and still seeking greater knowledge into the obscure world of the female mind. I've thought long and hard as to what should be the subject matter of the post for my great and triumphant return to the cyber-world dating scene. After much deliberation I've concluded that nothing would be more fitting than to what's on everyone's mind right now at the beginning of every semester. What hot new guy or girl can I possibly date this semester, and will he/she finally be the one??? And if that's not on your mind right now... Well I suppose you just don't bleed true Byu-Idaho blood then.

Tis' the season for hooking up and pairing off, and by season I mean the first two weeks of school. If you haven't found a mate by this time two days ago, give up, you've lost all hope! Your crush is already dating somebody else. Ha... It hurts but it's probably true. That crush has probably met their soul mate and more than likely it's not you. It's a fact of life I've learned to deal with. I don't know how the heck people do it! I barely have enough time and courage to figure out a girl's name in two weeks time let alone ask them to "go steady".

The question of my heart today is, ladies, what the heck do you think when a guy you don't even know comes up to you out of the blue and asks you on a date? Now now, ladies, before reaching into that clutch purse of yours for that can of mace and rape whistle, what goes through your mind? Are you flattered by his interest and courage or turned off at the fact that he's probably already talked to 5 girls before he got to you? Or maybe you could care less? Maybe it's never happened... would you like it if he did? Is that not creepy that the only reason I'm talking to you is because I'm physically attracted to you? How do those dates turn out if you do go?

Me personally, I like to get to know a girl first. Become closer to them more so on a friendship level, and if something comes from that, that's when I move into phase 2 of my secret 27 step plan to marriage. But never before then. What are these guys thinking anyways? Are they crazy? Am I crazy? Let me know... ESPECIALLY if you're one of those few outliers that has somehow slipped between the cracks of boyfriend and girlfriendom these past two weeks and need somebody to hold. Eh eh? Ha, ladies... It's good to be back.

Legal Stalking

We've all done it, so don't try and act innocent. Some friends and yourself got together this past weekend and you noticed a little somebody special you hadn't seen amongst your typical group of friends before. He was tall, dark, and handsome, witty, yet sincere. He had a body chiseled from stone and eyes as deep and blue as the sea. You had a great little chat around the bonfire, but you never got around to asking for the personal info. Seeing as how he was a friend of friend of a friend, the odds you'll ever see him again are slim to none. What do you do?

Stalk them of course! Facebook it up. Test out those private P.I. skills of yours and hunt em' down. Everyone is on Facebook or Myspace nowadays. It's very rare that I meet someone who hasn't fallen into the crowd like the rest of us sheep and had their whole lives strung across the internet for all to see.

One thing must be understood though, there is a process to such madness.

Rule:

1) You must pretend like you don't want it. Wait a day or two, see if they'll add you first.

2) Once you finally cave in and send your friend request, don't send a message! You don't want to seem too eager now do you?

3) Check their relationship status and quantity of friends. It could be they are way out of your league. Anybody with over 1,000 friends is far too cool for you anyways.

4) Look at every one of their pictures dating all the way back to middle school. Sort them with a fine toothed comb. Be as creepy as possible, they'll never know!

5) Still no word? Throw caution to the wind and light his entire page up! Add like/dislike comment, secret messages, mob war invitations, help commemorate the king of pop sensation causes, photo comments, Facebook chat, pokes, and anything of the sort... Trust me, they'll be all yours in no time. Who could resist such poise and elegance?

Ahem... So in case it wasn't blatantly obvious, I think this whole Facebook thing has gone too far. It's weird! I hate that I'm so addicted to it! I often wonder, what's wrong with myself? Is this not creepy? How do all of you out in the virtual world feel about it? Are you ladies okay with it? Would you prefer a good ol' fashioned phone call, or do you prefer the casuality of the wall post? What does the future hold?

I hate to say it but i'm torn! I just get so excited everytime I see that little red notification bubble or the coveted "new friend request"! But it right along with so many other forms of technology of our day seems like such a cop out or substitution for a real relationsip. When will we learn the error in our ways? Somehow I'm assuming later than sooner, so until then log on, hang out, and see who it is thats lurking behind that hyperlink. Go on ahead, take a look, it could be who you've been waiting for all along!

Here's a little background info on the origins of Facebook, check it out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/

Patience is a virtue

We all knew that when we ventured off on the long road to college, especially here at BYU-Idaho, a day would eventually come that we would find our "soul mate" and ride off into the sunset with them for time and all eternity. That's what we've waited for since we walked off of our planes from missions and stages from graduation. Eternal matrimony is our next step.

Marriage is inevitable, well, for most of us. I'm sure there's a large number of "World of Warcrafting momma's boys" who won't ever see the light of day outside of their parent's basement in order to even fathom such a thing. For the rest of us in the real world we'll meet that special someone, become one with them over time, understand who they really are, and eventually be married.

Well, that's if you're normal. Then you have those who apparently are the majority this semester. It's a growing epidemic I've seen come amongst my own ward and speckled here and there about campus as well. The thought: "Well, we've been dating for 5 weeks now and I'm... either a) about to graduate, b) undesirous to pay next semesters rent, or c) ecstatic that you haven't dumped me yet, so, will you marry me"? As of yet from what I've seen the response amongst couples has been a resounding "YES"!

My first response when I hear of said engagements is, "Are you Crazy??" Do you realize that you have to spend the rest of your lives with that person? Do you realize that person will help raise your future children? Do you realize this person may have some deep dark secret that you would have known about if you had taken the time to really get to know them for longer than a month before you got married?

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm just cold and bitter that I haven't found my own "special someone," yet. I'm sure all of you will go on and live wonderfully happy lives. There are many who have come before you who have done just that and look at them now. Please, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone who has decided to venture into the dreary world of matrimony, but for me, the thought of doing so blindfolded is nothing less than obsurd. Try to avoid the thought process evoked by the evil snickers bar company, "Marriage, why wait"? This really is an important decision. Make the right one now, otherwise you'll have the rest of eternity to think about the consequences of impatience.

Article on marriage statistics:
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/eye-opening-marriage-statistics-637273.html

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm